Wednesday, March 31, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
i asked a man fer a
light, he gave me his
lighted ciggie instead. i fumbled wif da
lighted ciggie, trying desperately to
light ma ciggie. finally when i managed to get it
lit, he asked, "you want a
lighter instead?"
like duhhhhhhhh...
.pinked pencil.
11:16 AM
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Tuesday, March 30, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
Driving along Grange Road towards Ngee Ann City one day, my heart hicupped. On the other side of the road was a car which bore the licence plate of a former boyfriend. But the vehicle whizzed by too fast for me to see if it was indeed him inside.
Although that relationship ended on a bad note (he jilted me) many, many moons ago when I was barely 21, leaving me tear-soaked and seeped with sadness for a long, long time, the sighting brought back a rush of memories, which were mostly bitter. Luckily I soon reached the shopping mall.
It's wonderful how bright lights and the prospect of spending money can cheer one up. What a low-life that guy was and what a lucky escape I had had, I told myself, zapping him from my mind as I entered the On Pedder shop where an enticing array of open-toed sandals awaited me.
Love. Can it really be eternal?
The poet Robert Graves describes love as "a universal migraine", "a bright stain on the vision/blotting out reason".
If that were so, I must by now be quite blind and without reason, for I have been in love not a few times. It is, after all, a thrilling sensation, with all the cliches about it ringing true.
When you're in love, you see the world with new eyes. Everything feels almost unbearably light, and life can never be more right. Everyday concerns - the mortgage, job insecurities, family problems - seem so irrelevant. What matter is being with the object of your affection - that hot rush of anticipation as you wait for him, the warmth that engulfs you when you are finally together, the smugness in knowing you are loved.
Can there be a nicer feeling than that?
The way I see it, there are four types of people when it comes to love.
The first finds a soulmate early in life. She marries him, they set up a home, have kids, and their life's pretty settled from then on.
The second type moves from one relationship onto another, and the relationships are more often than not fraught with woes. Life is one roller-coaster ride as she soars with joy and plunges into misery.
The third sort doesn't care for relationships, for she can be perfectly happy without a beloved by her side.
Then, there is the fourth type, who dearly wishes to be involved with someone, but can't find the right partner.
I suppose I fall into the second category, for I have had my share of turbulent relationships. Love, I have discovered, is seldom a one-way ticket to the moon. The journey can be aborted half-way and you can find yourself hitting the ground with a bump.
Sadly, I have had my share of being brought down to earth. And, if I look back on my relationships, there are some lessons in love I have learnt:
It is better to be dumped than to dump
Of course this is putting it simply. Life is more complex than that - there are people who deserve to be dumped.
But if both parties haven't done any wrong, I'd prefer to be the "dumpee" than the "dumper" any day. Of course, it hurts like crazy when you discover that a person no longer loves you. But feeling hurt is any time better than feeling
guilty.
The former fuels a range of emotions - wretchedness, anger and self-pity chief among them - which are, actually, rather self-indulgent sensations and not totally unpleasant. But when you're the bad guy, there are no two ways about it - you've done something horrible to someone and the only way you can feel is lousy.
It's not love when it's stormy
I used to think that true love had to be wrought with turbulent feelings, Wasn't this what Passion was all about? What was love without tiffs and spats, followed by dizzy kisses when you patched up?
These days, I regard a calmer life as the healthier option. Because, every time you quarrel with a loved one, you are tearing him down, and surely that can't be what love is? It should be about shoring up your partner, not bring him down.
Love just happens. You can't search for it
There was a time when I went to parties in the hope that I'd meet someone I could fall in love with. Well, it never happened.
The relationships I treasure started from chance encounters, never through a blind date or an arranged meeting. And for those who are single, fret not. Serendipitous meetings do happen.
If you love a person, you would want to show him off
If you have any qualms at all about the person whom you say you love - perhaps you're embarrassed by the car he drives, or that he's balding or that he stutters or doesn't have a university degree - it can't be love.
When you love someone, you'd regard him as a trophy and want to flaunt him to the world.
A sharp knife cuts the quickest
It also hurts the least. When love peters out and it's time to call it quits, say your adieus snappily. Prolonging the goodbye only lengthens the misery and leaves a lousy aftertaste. Besides, a short and sweet farewell is the classiest exit.
Love scars heal
Yes, amazingly they do, though it takes ages to forget someone who has forsaken you. You will alternate between fantasizing about looking drop-dead gorgeous and winning him back, and scheming to wreak revenge on him.
But one day, you'll wake up, gaze at his picture and feel - nothing.
If it's really love, he will marry you.
Bah you say? What a stupid notion in this day and age? A woman doesn't need the man she loves to marry her? Besides, hasn't the institution of marriage been devalued?
I used to believe all that too. But now, I regard marriage as the ultimate test. If you truly love someone, wouldn't you want to belong to him and vice-versa?
When you find your It, go for it. When you least expect it, the thought just descends upon you - you have found your It. He's the one standing in front of you and whom you've been staying single for all your life. It's a truly amazing sensation, and if the other person feels the same way, then it is also a wonderful one.
And if you have found your It, well, congratulations! Life's great, isn't it?
Sumiko Tan
~maybe God wants us to meet a few wrOng people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful~
.pinked pencil.
10:54 AM
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Monday, March 29, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
it's been a while since ma last entry and now am actively bloggin ma mind away...
let me recall..
fridae
rite after werk, i took da chance to shed ma calories off; not much but at least i tried. ma inspiration was der so da cardios and legXercise was not too bad. i woke up wifout aches on sat morning *sniff* c",)
saTurdae
been good on weekends. pimp came over and we spent most of da time wif fam at home. pa had to werk so no fam outing. at nite, bro, pimp and me, made our way to causeway pOint cos we were bored. played pool and wOc scooby doo 2. movie was damn farnie, recommended for fam peepz.
sundae
supposed to go jogging wif mama & pa but they didnt bother to wake us up. yeah we slept late last nite but we woke up pweety early. again ma parents were juz too lazy to go out. after bfast da 3 of us headed fer suntec. actually i was too tired to join but i forced maself. tot of doing some shopping... both of dem bought their model kits.. me??? i ended up buying nothing; not even barbie's accessOries..
pimp commented dat our spendings fer this month was within budget. yeah yeah thanx to me fer not using his credit. even mama was surprised.. haha i juz wasted money on 2 pairs of shoes last week. wOt else is new..
mondae
fret's in bangkok and here i am at werk, trying to clear my filings, still...
haf yet to do ma hw.. hmm
.pinked pencil.
10:41 AM
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Sunday, March 28, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
goOd day..
shhh... shay's been bz lately.. she'll be back soOn...
hopefuLLy wen da sun's out...
.pinked pencil.
10:37 PM
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Wednesday, March 24, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
i used to tink wif ma head but i realise dat i use ma ass more often.. and dat makes yOu out of it. ma judgement was in favOur. tell no lies cos seeing is believing. a logical mind speaks louder than action. it's a faCt.. oh ya if u happen to fart, please do it discreetly... cos if u dont, it'll leave an impression..
i gibbered too much. had enuff of greenT. tiger anywan??
~don't waste your time on a sumOne who isn't willing to waste their time on you~
.pinked pencil.
11:14 AM
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Tuesday, March 23, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
in raffles place, peepz here are like cars. leXs, merz, vOLvs, cheVs, miniS, jaggS, BMWs, aLfas, grandiS...
sCenario, early mornin rush
everyone's drivin at full speed; not fergettin da slow movin traffics and "peepz" jamz. wen takin da escalators, keep left unless overtaking. signboards all over, to remind you, to inform you; but some still do not understand da nOrms here. it's either they are iLLiterate or simply dumB. da human roads haf no lanes and traffic comes from all junCtions. aCCidents do happen at times, but not in tabLoids. wen tunin to mediacOrp radio, aLL you hear everyday is "traffic wOc" on major roads in spOre; but neva on "peepz wOc".
gOod mOrnin pepens!!
.pinked pencil.
9:56 AM
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Monday, March 22, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
shay's currently engaged to skewL project.
.pinked pencil.
9:53 AM
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Friday, March 19, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
fridae at last... managed to reach werk on time. i staRted off wif a cheeRy mOrnin cos da sun was out had tahue fer bfast. dat will last ma tummy till 3pm at least.
yest was a bz day fer me. today?? as usual, notin much to do. settled most of ma personal stuff; did sum calculations, gawd, we've lotsa bills to pay. well at least am cuttin down on ma shoppin c",) tryin to be like ma brO, pelokek... wahahahaha
duB!! u sick pig!! how cum u get to go back? now no more bird flu chicken virus mad cow disease tau! why yer boss let u off?? reasOns.. ceH
~i saw sumOne like yOu dis morning... and i cOuldnt take ma eyes off him~
.pinked pencil.
12:58 PM
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Wednesday, March 17, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
am dRaggin ma feet to werk again, yeah.
reported urgent leave yest cos i simply couldnt wake up. gym was on ma mind and i made thru, thO fer a short while. disCipline man! pimp looked down on me cos am not consistent wif ma trainings. wOteva.. at least i haf self cOnfidence. 
headed fer jurong point later on.. alone.. sat at McCafe, had hot choc. did ma revision while waitin fer pimp. as usual, he was late. we went back after dinner. dat was another day withOut shoppin...
shay's bz at werk. oh ya btw, I DIDNT GET DA JOB... yeahOOooOoooOooooOOOO.. it's prOven dat ma services were not needed, heLL yeah, but then it was a goOd try. i get to keep ma jOb. shake leg ah everydae.. 
p/s : thanX yati fer yer cOncern. a true freN is sumOne whO reaches fer yer haNd n tOucHes yer heart.. u knOw wot i mean..
~ders always goin tO be peOple dat hurt you.. sO wot you haF to do is keep on truStin and juZ be mOre careful about who you tRust next time around~
.pinked pencil.
11:30 AM
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Monday, March 15, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
started class wif empTy mind.
kept bitin ma nails.. wen i dO dat, am stressed.
numBers everywer.. annuities, depreCiatiOn, meDian, payrOLL...
am siNking..
sshhhh; am cOuntin sHeeps... caLculus by gOne to sLeep...
.pinked pencil.
11:38 PM
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.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
"I wish you peaCe", said Mak da rabbit.
his fRens gave him drugs.
nOw he cant breaK da habbit.
~i love yOu not becOs of who you are, but becOs of who I am when am with yOu~
.pinked pencil.
5:34 PM
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Sunday, March 14, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
sChedule fer da past weekend was full of wedding inviteS. ma piOneer piLLar gOt married, a bit of sadNess cos we used to be close. but am happy fer him, wiShin him aLL da beSt. oh ya todae one dOggie gOt married toO.. pwetty graNd at NovoteL aLLson..
one dOggie dOwn
fOreva dOggies
out wif fam and pimp earLier. pa wanted tO survey fer cars, so all lined-up in da showrooms. frOm hyundai (again) to honda, Kia, mitsuBishi... caRnival was nice but tank toO big... and expenSive too. den we had dinner at mCkenZie rex. now oVerate. tomorrOw's juz another week, earLy mOrnin alarms, rush madness, meetiNgs, fiLings, coLLeagues, nite classes, proJects.. *siGh* i wish i was bOrn riCh... soOoooOoo i dun haf to werk... c",)
lack of sLeep... am gOne fer da nite.. paSs mOi elderfLower eye geL please..
~nitez blogby~
.pinked pencil.
10:03 PM
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Friday, March 12, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
da authOr wishes to sCribbLe...
fer a moment, ya conquered. at mOst welcOme. i was enLiVened by yer presenCe; then...
nOt fer long..
toO short a note. ya left withOut bidding goOdbye.
~ma portraYaL impuLse~
playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello
if i smile and don't believe
soon i know i'll wake from this dream
don't try to fix me i'm not broken
hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry
suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
hello i'm still here
all that's left of yesterday
.pinked pencil.
5:04 PM
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Thursday, March 11, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
da authOr wiSheS tO sCribbLe...
am sinKin into ya greyyed eyes. haLLucinated thru mystiQue weed.
absurd? perHaps...
till we meet agaiN.
pretentiOus by.. to be preCise.
~loOks can kiLL; garBaGe~
.pinked pencil.
12:46 PM
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.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
was suppOsed to upload da piCs earlier...
met paP last tue in train.. last minute thingy sO am nOt dressed to kiLL. sat fer a while at bishan, kedai kOpi loe.. nO more cOffee beaN at J8, suX. under renOvatiOnl which i tink wiLL take like ageS to complete. as usuaL, ma 3650 came in handy.. neXt time i bring vCam... c",)
ouR cOnversation, dRowned by theSe..
hope u like da preZzie pap... it's da best i cOuLd grab.. mueheh fer da mOment.
am gettin sLeepy.. nitez blogby.
.pinked pencil.
12:00 AM
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Wednesday, March 10, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
da authOr wiSheS tO sCribbLe... yest
last nite's stOrmbringer was a bLiSs. i dreamt of ya.. at last.. niCe. thiNgs dat were meaNt to be fiXed... at loOse ends.
siLenCe, extricateD from da gratifyiNg subcOnsciOus.
i longed fer dis mOment, but ma inStiNct led me astraY.
at tiMes i giBBereD but mOstly it's fiCtitiOus.
~da wOrst way tO miss someone is to be sitting Right beSide theM knOwing yOu can't have them~
.pinked pencil.
10:39 AM
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Tuesday, March 09, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
wOrds can be misleadiNg..
i Can be fOrgiVing, wif ya aLways in deNiaL.
ma perVersity conquered; inViOLabLe..
.pinked pencil.
2:27 PM
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Sunday, March 07, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
shOuldnt haf toLd ya. total reGrets. cOmpromising fOoLish serpent, wiLL neva be 2-waY..
eXcuse me siR, it paYs to be lonG-winDed aye.
HaPPy??
.pinked pencil.
11:49 PM
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Saturday, March 06, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
GoOd day..
shaY has gOne to da beaCh... please cOme again.. 
.pinked pencil.
9:45 AM
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Friday, March 05, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
i get irritated again and again by ya hOrrendOus snubs.
if ya feeL like ya dun belong heRe, then mOve on..
its ma spiLLs, so get Out.. *piG*
~to da world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world~
.pinked pencil.
11:46 AM
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Thursday, March 04, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
da mOments i dragged ma feet to schOoL...
was kinda bOred in class sO dis is wOt i did c",)
trying hard not to sLeep
faLLing off
da hyPer one
ma desK
cOmmerciaL bReak
and now, i need ma beauty sLeep.. see ya in ma dReamS, hun..
.pinked pencil.
11:45 PM
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.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
~dun cry because it is over, smile because it happened~
.pinked pencil.
11:04 AM
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Wednesday, March 03, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
.pinked pencil.
9:30 AM
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Monday, March 01, 2004
.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
i'd rather gO out wif sOmeone who appreCiates ma presenCe than sOmeone who dOes not. teChnically speaking, ur amOrOus visiOns seemed to be engulfed by egOtism.
am no amanuensis, i speak ma tOts like a loudhaiLer so mOve!
~is da weatheR hot or is it juZ mOi? turn on da airCond please~
.pinked pencil.
9:05 PM
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.her faculty for composing words of wisdom.
lunch menu : rOti jOhn
comments : suX cos da whoLe bread was covered wif crushed eGGsHells! fOok! lost ma appetite 
~No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry~
.pinked pencil.
1:03 PM
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hope it's simply grand yah!! 
